Javy Lopez, 2004 Bowman Chrome #74

The Hall of Fame ballots for 2012 have been released, and this looks like the last breath of fresh air before things get really messy. All of the first-time candidates are mega-long shots for Cooperstown, and that includes Javy Lopez and his .287/.337/.491 line, 260 home runs, and 864 RBI. Ol' Jav didn't have the longevity, having played for 13 full seasons, and he was never much of a defender. The only newbie who projects to get any support is Bernie Williams, and that's only because of the rings he has at home. If I were a betting man, I'd put my money on Barry Larkin getting into the Hall this year, but probably not anyone else. I wish I could have faith in the voters to give a thumbs-up to Jeff Bagwell, Tim Raines, and maybe even Alan Trammell, but I know better. I don't hold out any hope for Mark McGwire and Rafael Palmeiro, because there are a lot of writers still on their high horses. That means that next year is going to be a real headache. Take a look at the list of players who retired in 2007 and will be eligible in a year's time: Craig Biggio, Barry Bonds, Roger Clemens, Mike Piazza, Curt Schilling, and Sammy Sosa. That's not even getting into interesting names like Julio Franco and Kenny Lofton. I already feel a headache coming.

Sidney Ponson, 2004 Bowman Chrome #125

Before it even dawned on me that the decade was coming to a close, every website and blog started peppering me with "Best/Worst of the 2000s" retrospectives. No less an authority than ESPN gave an infamous Oriole a very great honor in their own look back at the past ten years.

ESPN.com writer Jerry Crasnick tabbed the one, the only, the soused, Sir Sidney Ponson as the Least Valuable Pitcher of the Decade. That's one hell of an honor, when you consider the 6.00 ERA posted in the 'aughts by Jose Lima. Crasnick also gives mention to the money for nothing crowd headlined by Mike Hampton, and of course fellow Birdland favorite Daniel Cabrera. I think D-Cab was disqualified because he is not technically a pitcher.

But it was the cavalcade of extracurricular disasters that pushed the husky Aruban over the top. We've been over this before, but no baseball player that I am aware of ever punched a judge. No, not even Billy Martin. The 10.3 hits per nine innings that he allowed over the course of the decade (including a staggering 265 in 215.2 innings in 2004) are just the icing on the crap cake. When you put it like that, it's hard to believe that the Orioles (twice), Giants, Cardinals, Yankees (twice), Twins, Rangers, and Royals all washed their hands of him, isn't it?

So congratulations, Sir Sidney. Give us the mailing address of the cardboard box where you're currently living, and we'll be sure to mail you your can of SPAM.