Felix Pie, 2011 Topps Gypsy Queen #272

I hope somebody else finds this card as hilarious as I do. It just perfectly encapsulates Felix Pie's three-year tenure in Baltimore. The design gives the appearance of classic baseball, but you don't have to look too closely at the contents to see that it's just plain goofy. Of course, now Felix is trying to win a bench job in Cleveland, which may be difficult. He just made it back onto the field after slamming into the center field fence while chasing a fly ball on Sunday. Fortunately, he was none the worse for wear, other than a little soreness. There remains no bigger hazard to Felix Pie's health than the man himself.

Vladimir Guerrero, 2011 Topps Attax #NNO

I don't play Topps Attax myself, mostly because the substitution of the letter "x" for "-cks" offends my English major sensibilities. But if you can read the small print on Vladimir Guerrero's Attax (ugh) card, you'll see that he gives his card player a perk: if you are losing, his doubles turn into home runs. Clearly the folks at Topps didn't see Vlad play in Baltimore. The aging designated hitter slugged just 13 home runs in 2011, his lowest output since he hit 11 in 90 games as a rookie in 1997. Of those 13 homers, a whopping 3 either tied the game or gave the Orioles the lead. That's just what you want from a cleanup hitter, right?

Charles Johnson, 2000 Skybox Metal Universe #61

Ah, Metal Universe, I just can't walk away from you. Sure, it's mostly because the swirly patterns etched in your foil have seared my retinas, but at least you're trying to be something that other cards are not. All the same, you're at your brain-collapsing best when you're unashamedly ratcheting the insanity up to 11. Charles Johnson gunning down a base runner while hurtling into a black hole is all well and good, but it can't hold a candle to B.J. Surhoff's nuclear power or Rocky Coppinger falling prey to a giant emerald spider. You can do better, Metal Universe. Give in to those screaming, howling noises of malevolent lunacy in your head. Do it.

Steve Finley, 1989 Donruss The Rookies #47

Today is Steve Finley's 47th birthday! I always feel like birthday posts are a bit of a cheat, so I'll try to dig up some interesting bits of trivia:

-Others born on March 12 include Daryl Strawberry (age 50) and Dale Murphy (56). Together with Finley, that's one mighty outfield! If you have different tastes, you could sub in fellow birthday boys Raul Mondesi, Jimmy Wynn, or Johnny Callison.

-Steve batted .409 (9-for-22) against Chuck Finley, with no extra-base hits. They are the only two pro baseball players with that surname since World War II.

-The Orioles drafted Finley with the 7th pick in the 13th round of the June 1987 draft (325th overall). He was chosen immediately after the Braves took pitcher Mike Stanton. Both players lasted 19 big league seasons, their careers spanning the years 1989-2007. Finley is 40th all-time with 2,583 games played, and Stanton is 2nd among all pitchers with 1,178 games pitched. They each played for eight different teams, and were finally teammates with the 2006 Giants.

-For some reason, I've always been obsessed with the notion of one player suiting up for each of the five California teams in his career. No one has done it yet. Steve is a near-miss, checking in with the Padres, Dodgers, Angels, and Giants. Didn't make it to Oakland.The other players in the Four-for-Cali club, and the team they didn't join:

• Derrel Thomas (also missing the Athletics)
• Rickey Henderson (Giants)
• Jay Johnstone (Giants)
• Elias Sosa (Angels)
• Brett Tomko (Angels...but he's still active!)
• Mike Aldrete (Dodgers)
• John D'Acquisto (Dodgers)
• Dave Kingman (Dodgers)
• Stan Javier (Padres)

-Steve hit 304 home runs in his career, including 257 after his age 30 season. He is currently tied with Miguel Tejada for 129th all-time. A partial list of players who stalled out between 250 and 300 homers: Tim Salmon, Rickey Henderson, Kent Hrbek, Bobby Bonilla, Jimmy Wynn, Rusty Staub, Will Clark, Ryne Sandberg, Roger Maris, Steve Garvey, Joe Morgan, Brooks Robinson, Kirk Gibson, Joe Torre, Robin Yount.

Doug Drabek, 1998 Upper Deck Collector's Choice #312

This is a pretty silly card. Despite that fact (or maybe because of it), I just had to have it. I placed it on the Covetous Cluster, or most-wanted, list on the left sidebar. Ed, who spends more time working on my various want lists than I do, tracked it down and put it in my hands yesterday afternoon. So why was it so necessary for me to own?

I didn't have a single Orioles card of Doug Drabek, whose 13-year big league career sputtered to a halt with a 6-11 record and a 7.29 ERA for the Birds in 1998. I couldn't do without a reminder that Pat Gillick and/or Ray Miller thought it was a good idea to acquire a 35-year-old who had gone 29-29 with a 5.01 ERA and a 1.45 WHIP over the most recent 3 seasons. Once I got a look at the actual card, which features a silver-haired Drabek trying to leg out a grounder while batting in a spring training, I knew that it would hold a place of honor in my collection. The icing on the cake is Doug's intense, tongue-showing facial expression and his conspicuously-advertised Reebok batting gloves. The logo on the gloves almost looks like lightning bolts shooting out of his fingers.

Miguel Tejada, 2006 Upper Deck #888

I went to a small card show this morning over in Glen Burnie, and emptied out my wallet at some nickel and dime boxes. About half of my haul was various Orioles cards, the better to keep the good times rolling here. I haven't sorted them yet, but it seems like I plucked out several dozen different cards of Melvin Mora and Jay Gibbons. I may have to become the world's foremost Jay Gibbons supercollector by default, and that's about as sad as any sentence I've ever typed. Anyway, this nondescript checklist card was one of my purchases today, but I'm less interested in what Miguel Tejada is doing and more interested in what's on the scoreboard behind him. It's been a while, so let's do some sleuthing!

The bottom of the scoreboard looks like it's got a Toronto at Houston matchup. #7 is a very unusual number for a starting pitcher, and I remember former Oriole Josh Towers having the #7 jersey for the Blue Jays. Roy Oswalt wore #44 for the Astros, so we should have our starters. That makes this Sunday, June 12, 2005. Oswalt tossed a real gem, two-hitting the Jays in a 3-0 victory. Towers gave up all three runs (two earned) on nine hits and a pair of walks in seven innings. Willy Taveras and Jason Lane each had three hits and an RBI for the Astros.

Oh, but you probably want to know about the Orioles. On June 12, they were visiting the Cincinnati Reds in interleague play, and it didn't end well. Sidney Ponson barfed up a seven-run, eleven-hit masterpiece in six innings of work, and Steve Kline tossed a molotov cocktail on the fire by allowing all three batters he faced to get on base. Todd Williams replaced Kline and permitted those three runners to score on a pair of singles, giving the Reds their full tally of ten runs. The O's batters fought gamely, with six runs in a losing effort. Sammy Sosa had his second (and last) multi-homer game with Baltimore, career home runs #581 and #582. Incidentally, Ken Griffey, Jr. took Ponson deep for the 512th longball of his own storied career. So there you go. 10-6 loss, giving the Reds a pair of wins in a 3-game set.

Vintage Fridays: Don Larsen, 1977 TCMA Renata Galasso Greats #3

This spiffy black and white portrait of Don Larsen, the only Oriole pitcher to ever suffer a 20-loss season, comes to us via Max of the Starting Nine blog. It's part of a 270-card set that was released in six annual series of 45 cards each from 1977 through 1984 and featured prominent retired players. The TCMA card company produced it on behalf of famed hobby dealer Renata Galasso of Brooklyn. Galasso offered the sets for free with purchase of that year's Topps set. You can read more about her various retro card sets at the Fleer Sticker Project. The funny thing about the Galasso Greats set is that Larsen was the only O's player included. There were six other cards depicting players from the franchise's St. Louis Browns era. So thanks to Max, I've got a complete team set for this oddball 1977 release! Thanks, pal.