Kevin Brown, 1995 Topps Finest #252

Kevin Brown always had a reputation as a disagreeable sort of guy. But you'd probably be cranky if you had instructions stamped across your face, too.

Kevin Brown, 1995 Score Select #228

Nothing beats a dynamic action photo on a baseball card. Unfortunately, I'm not all that enthralled by Kevin Brown's turn at pitchers' fielding practice in spring training. Back to the drawing board, Score.

Kevin Brown, 1996 Topps #376

Last night I discussed some of the strange maladies of Brady Anderson. Tonight I'm featuring Kevin Brown, who had a penchant for stabbing at balls hit back up the middle with his bare pitching hand, which strikes me as a particularly stupid instinct. Of course when it comes to stupid self-inflicted injuries, Kevin had a real doozy near the end of his career. It was 2004, when he was playing out the string with the Yankees. They had traded for him because he was old and expensive, and therefore passed the Yankee Test. On September 3, he started against the Orioles and took the loss, giving up three runs in six innings against his former club. After being pulled from the game, he stormed into the Yankee Stadium clubhouse and punched a wall with his left (non-pitching hand). Despite having the presence of mind to protect his money-making hand, the tempremental veteran missed three weeks of action after having pins inserted in the broken appendage.

Of course, New York fans probably wished that he had smashed the other hand, as he returned just in time to lose three of his last four decisions. This included an absolute thrashing in the deciding game of the 2004 ALCS, in which the Red Sox chased him in the second inning. He allowed five runs and recorded four outs, and Boston completed their comeback from a three games to none deficit in the best-of-seven series in an anticlimactic fashion. If the clubhouse attendant had any sense, he probably covered the clubhouse walls with foam rubber before Joe Torre gave Brown the hook.

Kevin Brown, 1995 Topps Traded #148T

Yesterday I had my first fantasy baseball draft of the year, a true sign that Spring is on its way. Through pure happenstance, I came to select two Kevins to my team (Messrs. Youkilis and Kouzmanoff). My mind started wandering, which I'm sure will come as a shock to most of you. I began to wonder whether I could compile a full all-time team of my namesakes, and if so, how it would take shape. It's times like this that I'm really glad to have baseball-reference.com in my life. So let's take a peek at the All-Kevins, including their career-best seasons, shall we?

C Kevin Cash - Definitely a weak link. 2008: .225, 3 HR, 15 RBI.

1B Kevin Youkilis - Elbows his way onto the team with a monster '08. 2008: .312, 29 HR, 115 RBI.

2B Kevin Jordan - Former Phillie split time at 1st, 2nd, and 3rd. 1999: .285, 4 HR, 51 RBI.

SS Kevin Stocker - The Devil Rays traded Bobby Abreu to get him...yikes. Peaked as a rookie. 1993: .324, 2 HR, 31 RBI.

3B Kevin Seitzer - A quintessential contact hitter. 1987: .323, 15 HR, 83 RBI.

RF Kevin Bass - One of four Orioles on this team, and the only one to end his career in Charm City. 1986: .311, 20 HR, 79 RBI.

CF Kevin McReynolds - I knew a Mets fan who absolutely hated this guy. 1988: .288, 27 HR, 99 RBI, 21 SB.

LF Kevin Mitchell - Hey, we've even got an MVP! 1989: .291, 47 HR, 125 RBI, 1.023 OPS.

DH Kevin Millar - I'm glad I could find a spot for Kevbo in the lineup. His on-base skills give him the nod over Kevin Young. 2001: .314, 20 HR, 85 RBI.

The bench includes catcher Kevin L. Brown (.254 in 189 career AB), first baseman Kevin Young (1999: .298, 26 HR, 106 RBI, 22 SB), shortstop Kevin Elster (1996: .252, 24 HR, 99 RBI), third baseman Kevin Kouzmanoff (2007: .275, 18 HR, 74 RBI), corner outfielder Kevin Mench (2004: .279, 26 HR, 71 RBI), and left fielder Kevin Reimer (1991: .269, 20 HR, 69). Just missing the cut was 1B/DH and Yankee flash-in-the-pan Kevin Maas (1990: .252, 21 HR, 41 RBI, 12.1 AB/HR).

And the pitching staff:

SP Kevin Brown - This is a slight cheat, as his given name is James Kevin Brown. 1996: 17-11, 1.89 ERA.

SP Kevin Appier - As a KC Royal, he used to kill the O's. 1993: 18-8, 2.56 ERA.

SP Kevin Millwood - Should become third-winningest Kevin early this year. 1999: 18-7, 2.68 ERA.

SP Kevin Tapani - The Twins' major yield from the Frank Viola trade. 1991: 16-9, 2.99 ERA.

SP Kevin Gross - The man currently tied with Millwood at #4. 1985: 15-13, 3.41 ERA.

RP Kevin Kobel - The swingman on this staff. 1978: 5-6, 2.91 ERA, 1.15 WHIP, 108.3 IP.

RP Kevin Rogers - Really a one-year wonder, but I'm comfortable with that. 1993: 2.68 ERA, 1.23 WHIP, 80.7 IP.

RP Kevin Hickey - A unique career took him from the softball field to the 1983 ALCS to the Cinderella 1989 Orioles, with a six-year absence from the majors in between. 1989: 2.92 ERA, 1.23 WHIP.

RP Kevin Saucier - Nicknamed "Hot Sauce" because of his demonstrative nature on the mound. 1981: 1.65 ERA, 0.96 WHIP, 13 SV.

CL Kevin Gregg - With just two seasons as a closer, leads all Kevins in saves. 2008: 7-8, 32 SV, 3.41 ERA.

Well, that's not such a bad team. We've got a big hole at catcher, and not a lot of speed, but there's tons of power up and down the lineup (though that 1996 season for Elster is a crazy fluke). The starting rotation is strong from one through five, and it's a good thing, because there's not much sustained success in the bullpen. I'd like to think that the Fightin' Kevins would hold their own against most any other namesake All-Star team out there.

Kevin Brown, 1995 Fleer Update #U-4

Just trying to read the various sizes and fonts of type in crisscrossing directions is enough to make you feel nauseous. I can empathize, because I spent my morning and afternoon fighting nerves at my best friend Boothe's wedding. I was surprised that I felt unsettled, since all that I had to do was:

1. Get Boothe to the wedding.

2. Pull the rings out of my jacket pocket.

3. Give a toast.

But I haven't been in a wedding since I was eight years old, and both the bride and the groom are close friends of mine, so I got really caught up in the special nature of the day. I was also getting a small sense of how exhausting the preparations must have been; I spent all day Saturday cleaning my apartment for that evening's bachelor party. We went out for steak dinner, and came back home for a night reminiscent of our college days (beer, Grand Theft Auto, card games, and Mystery Science Theatre 3000 - not exactly the height of debauchery, but to each his own). We finally wound down around 3 AM.

I had Sunday afternoon to recuperate before I drove to a hotel in Annapolis for the rehearsal dinner. That kicked off twenty-four hours of introductions to a cascade of close relatives, distant relatives, and family friends. We were stuffed silly at dinner, and I was ready to call it a night. (Boothe's parents were kind enough to put he and I up in a room in the hotel.) But as we were getting our bags from the car, the men of his family invited us to have a few drinks. As his father, uncle, and cousins shared their advice on marriage and family anecdotes I nursed a couple of beers. By the time we finally parted ways at 10:30 PM, we'd been socializing (and eating and drinking) for five hours and I was beyond full. Boothe and I watched a wrestling DVD for the next two hours, though he faded in and out of consciousness.

I had a fitful sleep, as I often do in hotels. I'm a creature of habit, and the combination of the layers of stiff sheets, the intermittent whirring of the air conditioner, and Boothe's snoring conspired with my sense of anticipation to keep me awake.

Fortunately, the actual wedding went off without a hiccup. Both groom and best man managed to suit up in our tuxedos without making a mess, and we were at the venue with plenty of time to spare (objective #1 accomplished). I didn't leave the rings at the hotel (objective #2), though I did lose a pair of socks along the way. And finally, with many of our college friends (and even a few professors!) listening on, I gave a brief and light-hearted toast that was received pretty well. So that's a perfect three-for-three on my best man duties, and that's without taking into account the bachelor party.

But most importantly, two of the kindest and most giving people that I know pledged their love and commitment to each other on a beautiful May afternoon, and I'm thrilled that they included me in their plans.