Russ Ortiz, 2006 Topps Updates and Highlights #UH16

If you're not an Orioles fan, or if you're an O's fan and you're smart enough to repress bad memories, you probably don't even remember Russ Ortiz's 40-plus hideous innings in Baltimore. Even though Leo Mazzone couldn't strike gold twice with Russ, the righty did win one Major Award during his stay in Birdland. He was the recipient of the Eleventh Annual Kerry's Pinata Award, a glorious booby prize of which I have just been made aware.

The Pinata Award is sponsored by the Birds in the Belfry fan site, and has been awarded each year since 1996 to the worst eligible Oriole pitcher. The award was born when the aforementioned Kerry tried to assess the performance of young Jimmy Haynes for a postseason yearbook. The genius result was a statement that Haynes had done a wonderful imitation of a pinata: "people holding sticks were beating the hell out of him". If you go to the site, you can see the entire cringe-inducing roll call from 1996 to present. I won't spoil the 2008 winner.

So how bad was Mr. Ortiz in 2006? Despite tossing just those forty-point-three innings, he was judged to be more putrid than Bruce Chen (0-7, 6.93 ERA, 1.75 WHIP in 98.7 IP). Indeed, Russ was that much worse. He gave up 38 earned runs in those 40.3 innings, a sparkling 8.48 ERA. He gave up FIFTEEN home runs, one every 12.7 at-bats. He allowed nearly two baserunners per inning, and one batter out of 2.4 reached base. He brought a little bit of terror and pain to every one of the 20 games in which he pitched.

So yeah, that dude is the gold standard for crumminess. Maybe some day the Pinata award will go to someone who is merely below average. In the meantime, I'd settle for a year when there wasn't so much stiff competition for it.

Adam Loewen, 2006 Topps Updates and Highlights #UH167

It's a shame to have to close the door on a pitcher's career at the age of 24, but that's the story for Adam Loewen. I can't begin to imagine how someone - even a finely-conditioned athlete - recovers from two elbow fractures in a little over a year. I guess Adam can't fathom it either, because he's chosen to call it quits as a pitcher. Once the most highly touted pitching prospect in baseball, his final pitching stat line is 8-8 with a 5.38 ERA and a 1.64 WHIP in 35 games. But there's still some hope, no matter how faint, for Loewen.

Undoubtedly encouraged by the example of Cardinals pitcher-turned-slugging outfielder Rick Ankiel, the young Canadian lefty has announced that he will attempt to re-imagine himself as an outfielder/first baseman. If his amateur track record and the endorsement of O's hitting coach Terry Crowley) are to be believed, Adam's got a fair shot at making it work. It would certainly make one hell of a feel-good story, and all of Baltimore will be rooting for him. After all, we've had a lot of practice when it comes to pulling for underdogs. It's a funny sort of thing to say about a former fourth-overall draft pick, but any future contribution that Adam Loewen might make to the Orioles has to be considered a bonus, a pleasant surprise.

It seems like a pipe dream right now, but it would be funny if, after years of chasing the Delgados and Konerkos and Teixeiras of the world, the answer to our need for a powerful first baseman came from a guy who we were once counting on to anchor our starting rotation. Never say never.