John Parrish, 2001 Topps #711

Today the Orioles announced their promotional giveaway schedule for the 2015 season, and you'd better believe that I've already compared it to my 29-game season ticket plan to see where the two intersect. I'm in for a few treats, even before I start switching games to optimize the goodies. How about a pair of Orioles high socks for starters? I think I can make them look at least as good as John Parrish did. If colorful hosiery isn't your cup of tea, how about a Buck Showalter Garden Gnome? I'm glad to see the O's branching out from the standard t-shirt and hat giveaways.

Jeff Conine, 2001 Topps #683

Jeff Conine had many talents as a ballplayer, but chief among them was his ability to look disgusted and vaguely annoyed approximately 100% of the time.

Tommy Arko, 2001 Topps #741

Topps spent about a decade and a half featuring the previous season's top draft picks in its flagship set. It was enough of a hit-or-miss proposition when they stuck to first-rounders - the inaugural #1 Draft Pick subset in 1989 included Robin Ventura and Andy Benes, but also had flops like Willie Ansley and Ty Griffin. But the company relaxed its own criteria, and so we have this two-player card with 2000 Orioles' third-rounder Tommy Arko and Cardinals' eighth-rounder Dan Moylan, neither of whom ever reached the major leagues.

Arko was a high school catcher from Abilene, Texas who never hit for average in six seasons in the Baltimore farm system (.204 career AVG), but was willing to take a walk (.304 career OBP). In 2002, he flashed some power, swatting 14 home runs in just 57 games at Rookie-level Bluefield. But he was held homerless in a 22-game stint at Delmarva that season, collecting only eight hits in 63 at-bats (.127).  Tommy never rose above high-A Frederick, totaling 64 games played in three seasons. Early in 2005, he was off to another slow start (.143/.206/.349 in 19 games) when he walked away from baseball at 22. It's almost like baseball is an incredibly difficult game to play or something.

Pat Hentgen, 2001 Topps #582

I could think of no better way to wish you all a happy St. Patrick's Day than by presenting this greenish card of Patrick George Hentgen. Heck, he was even born in Ireland!

Actually, Pat was born in Detroit. I don't know why I lied like that. Hopefully when you wake up tomorrow you won't remember this conversation.

Tripper Johnson, 2001 Topps #354

What kind of name is "Tripper"? Were this guy's parents fans of "Three's Company"? Well, maybe they were, but Tripper is not his given name, thankfully. He was born Nelson Alexander Johnson III in Bellevue, WA. He was known as "triple", and then "Tripper". After hitting .453 as a high school senior, he was drafted with a first round sandwich pick (32nd overall) by the Orioles in 2000. He'd signed a letter of intent to play at the University of Washington, but the O's changed his mind with a $1.05 million signing bonus. Former scouting director Tony DeMacio likened him to former MVP Ken Caminiti. In 48 games at rookie level Bluefield that summer, he hit .306. Johnson climbed steadily through the ranks until 2004, when he was asked to repeat high-A Frederick in his fifth pro season. He responded with his best overall year (.269, 21 HR, 74 RBI). His reward was a promotion to AA Bowie in 2005, but his OPS dropped 100 points and his progress was stalled. He had a close call in midseason, but the O's scrapped plans to call him up when it was determined that Melvin Mora's hamstring injury would not require placement on the disabled list. Tripper struggled even more the following year and spent half the season back in Frederick. The Birds cut ties with him, and he spent his eighth and final minor league season in single-A Lynchburg in the Pirates organization. It was 2007, and Johnson was now 25. He saw the writing on the wall and walked away from baseball, choosing to finally enroll at UW.

What's surprising is that Tripper decided to play college football for the Huskies. He made the team as a backup safety in 2008, and started several games after the team was racked by injuries at his position. Washington went 0-12, but Johnson did record an interception in a 27-7 loss to UCLA on November 15. The following year he was injured in practice and did not play at all, and seems to have exhausted his eligibility. But for a short while, he had been able to return to the sport that he'd claimed was his greater passion.

Pat Rapp, 2001 Topps #98

For all intents and purposes, the Orioles just brought back Pat Rapp.

Not literally, of course. The righthander has been out of baseball for seven years. But his ugly 2000 season in Baltimore (9-12, 5.90 ERA, 1.64 WHIP) is about what I would expect from the Birds' latest free agent acquisition, 6'9" lefty Mark Hendrickson.

I understand, the O's are just marking time until their crop of promising young arms (Jake Arrieta, Brian Matusz, Chris Tillman, etc.) ripens. They need as many inexpensive veterans as they can get to fill the rotation in 2009...and possibly 2010. They can't repeat 2008, when injuries and ineffectiveness left the team so desperate for starters that they threw wild reliever Dennis Sarfate, 26-year-old rookie Brian Bass, and even Mexican League reclamation project Alfredo Simon to the wolves.

But Mark Hendrickson? The guy is best known for his height and by extension his 1,508 career minutes with the 76ers, Kings, Nets, and Cavaliers in the NBA. He just posted a 5.45 ERA in the National League. You might as well add at least a half a run to that now that he's switching to the junior circuit. He's essentially Daniel Cabrera with better control...which sadly, was probably a selling point for the O's.

I would love for Mark to prove me wrong. One of the few perks to being an Oriole fan these days is that you're constantly introduced to ragtag players - lifetime minor leaguers and declining veterans - and occasionally they exceed your rock-bottom expectations, however briefly. When April rolls around, I'll be pulling for our new pitcher. I just hope that Braden Looper (God help me) or Kenshin Kawakami or any of the other rumored additions to the rotation are delivered before then, so Mark can take his rightful place at the back of the rotation or the front of the bullpen.