Sid Fernandez, 1995 Leaf #353

I recently took advantage of Strat-O-Matic baseball's trial offer of one free team in one of their online leagues. I chose to join a 12-team league with a player pool from the 1990s. The player profiles are based on one of five randomly-selected season stat lines for each player, making it a mystery which one you'll get. For instance, I could have Cal Ripken's 1991 MVP season, his mediocre 1993 season, or his pretty-good 1994 season. The teams are auto-drafted, so I select my preferred 25-man roster in priority order (constrained by an $80 million salary cap) and then hope that I get most of my guys. A full season is simulated at a rate of three games per team per day using Strat-O-Matic's game engine.

I did pretty well in the draft, winding up with an offense anchored by Chris Hoiles, John Jaha, Ripken, Kenny Lofton, Jay Buhner, and Harold Baines. I seem to have a strong bullpen, with Randy Myers closing. Of course, you probably wouldn't confuse my starting rotation with the Bobby Cox-Leo Mazzone Braves. Mike Mussina is the marquee name, followed by Jeff Fassero, Sid Fernandez, Rick Sutcliffe, and Scott Kamieniecki. There's a few names in there that should give longtime O's fans a cold chill.

Nine games into the season, my Hop Bottom Alemeisters are in first place in the East with a 6-3 record. But it hasn't been pretty. In true 1990s fashion, they've hit 16 home runs (led by Buhner's four) and have a .274/.352/.492 batting line that Earl Weaver would love. Cal and Lofton have matching .368 batting averages in a small sample size. But the pitching...woof. Moose has been battered in two straight starts and now has a 6.45 ERA; Fassero and Sutcliffe are almost as bad, and Kamieniecki gave up six runs in three and one-third innings in his lone start. The only guy holding the starters above water is...El Sid. Of course.

Fernandez, one of my favorite punching bags due to his dumpy physique and disastrous year-plus performance in Baltimore, has allowed a grand total of four hits and one earned run in 17.2 innings, with 22 strikeouts and eight walks. In his first start, he hurled a two-hit shutout. In the second, he balked in a run in the sixth and let Jeff Nelson close the door on a 2-1 win in the ninth. That's a 0.51 ERA, 0.68 WHIP, and 11.51 K/9. Just the way I drew it up.

It looks like I got one of Sid's early-1990s Mets seasons. Thank goodness.

Ben McDonald, 1995 Leaf #197

Finally, our long baby-faced nightmare is over. The Orioles have relaxed their pointless facial hair policy. Note that I said "relaxed", and not "abolished". Two of the team's prominent free-agent additions, Derrek Lee and Vladimir Guerrero, have been long-time goatee guys. Buck Showalter consulted with them and the rest of the club, took this into account, and both he and Andy MacPhail apparently got High Chief and Ruler Peter Angelos to agree that the players should be allowed to have "well-trimmed" beards. This is crucial because 1) the past 13 years have proven that there is no direct correlation between smooth cheeks and chins and winning ballgames and 2) everyone looks better with a beard. Plus, any Oriole who is desperate to change his appearance for whatever reason (superstition, boredom, etc.) won't feel compelled to grow an awful mustache.

In addition to Lee and Guerrero, early reports indicate that Luke Scott and Nick Markakis are reacting favorably to the new allowance. This is unsurprising, as both are known for their impressive offseason homages to Grizzly Adams. Sadly, the "well-trimmed" codicil probably precludes those two from going completely native. But something is better than nothing.

Meanwhile, I will continue to sport my own beard, as I have for the past year and change. I really should update my profile photo on the sidebar.

Bret Barberie, 1995 Leaf #382

In a Spring that is full of unusual and painful injuries, I'm left thinking about Bret Barberie, one of the less illustrious O's of the mid-Nineties. When Bret was still with the Florida Marlins, he was slicing chili peppers one afternoon. Immediately after doing so, he attempted to insert his contact lenses...before washing the chili juice off of his hands. The resulting burning sensation caused him to miss a game. As someone who's worn contact lenses for twelve years, it absolutely baffles me to think that anyone could make this mistake. Then again, there's a lot about Bret Barberie that baffles me.

Bret was a hot prospect with the Expos in the early Nineties, but had a hard time breaking into a strong young infield that included Sean Berry, Wil Cordero, and Delino DeShields. Montreal left him exposed in the 1992 Expansion Draft, and the Marlins grabbed him with the sixth pick. He had two decent seasons in Florida (.277 and .301), but didn't hit for much power, so Florida swapped him to the Birds for former #1 draft pick Jay Powell. Barberie had a miserable season in Baltimore, hitting .241 with sixteen extra-base hits and losing his job at midseason to the even-worse Manny Alexander. The O's let him walk as a free agent, and his career bottomed out with the Cubs. He had only one hit (a home run) in 29 at-bats before spending the rest of the 1996 season at AAA Iowa. He would sit out all of 1997 before spending the 1998 season at the Rangers' AAA affiliate in Oklahoma City. He bounced back, hitting .305 with 36 doubles, but never got the call to join the major league club. His career ended at age 30.

But people will always remember him for setting his eyes on fire, which is something at least.