Mike Devereaux, 1991 Stadium Club #555

"Good evening, and welcome to 'The Mike Devereaux Show'! Tonight we have two special guests who will be sitting down to chat with Devo: Sam Horn and Leo Gomez! It's sure to be a fantastic show, and...what's that? Tonight's episode has been cancelled due to total lack of interest. Well, that's too bad. Thanks for tuning in anyway!"

Billy Ripken, 1991 Stadium Club #222

Since I assaulted your innocent eyes with the egg-yolk vulgarity of 1991 Fleer yesterday, allow me to make amends with a card that is understated and well-composed, both of which are not to be taken for granted in early 1990s cardlore. As a bonus, we've got two Orioles for the price of one. If that's not B. J. Surhoff in Brewers pinstripes sliding into second base to take out Billy Ripken, then I'm a monkey's uncle.

Anthony Telford, 1991 Topps Stadium Club #330

When Topps set tongues a-waggin' with their first foray into "premium" cards, everyone assumed that they had established Stadium Club as a response to the challenge presented by Upper Deck. Sure, these full-bleed photos, with their vibrant colors and Kodak-whatsit technology, might have been a return volley to Upper Deck's beautiful full-color, front-and-back photos and holographic stamps and so forth. But if you ask me, the true purpose of the inaugural issue of Topps Stadium Club was to finally produce a card worthy of the finely-detailed chest hair of Anthony Charles Telford. Heck, that's practically neck hair. I think this can be considered an error card, in fact. The blue name bar should read, "Anthony Telford's Chest Hair".