Before you ask, no I don't have a stutter. The brand is Turkey Red, and the parallel set has red borders, and I just can't think of an elegant way to get around that. Anyway, it's Monday, and it's a cold and rainy one where I am. So let's laugh a bit with journeyman soft-tosser Bruce Chen. Bruce was briefly a fan favorite in Baltimore, coming out of relative obscurity (the result of pitching in nine organizations in five seasons) to win 13 games and lead O's starters in ERA (3.83) in 2005. Capitalizing on his new status as a Big Man on Campus, Chen branched out to comedy in 2006. The Orioles' game entertainment staff, always looking for new bells and whistles to flash on the video board at Camden Yards, started running "Bruce Chen's Joke of the Day" between innings. Of course there was a kicker: the jokes were beyond corny. A sample:
"What do you do with a one-legged dog?
Take him out for a drag."
"Why did the bicycle keep falling over?
Because it was too tired."
Yuk yuk yuk. Of course, the only thing less funny than Chen's zingers was his pitching. In 2006, he fell out of the tree to the tune of zero wins, seven losses, and a 6.93 ERA. The Birds mercifully removed him from the rotation, and soon his standup act disappeared. But you can't blame a guy for trying.
Okay, one more for the road:
"What do you call a bear with no teeth?
A gummy bear."
Feel free to post your own favorite cheesy gags in the comments.