Rocky Coppinger, 1997 Pinnacle Museum Collection #175

Cards with heavy amounts of foil, chrome, and all of those other bells and whistles usually don't transfer well to the scanner, so I was pleasantly surprised by how this one turned out. A bit of Googling tells me that the effect Pinnacle used for their Museum Collection parallels was "Dufex", aluminum lined paper sprayed with transparent UV inks and hand-etched. Rocky Coppinger is the only guy I've got handy, but I wouldn't mind tracking down the rest of the team set.

Rocky Coppinger, 1997 Skybox Metal Universe #3

After yesterday's horrifying Cal Ripken, Jr. caricature, Commish/Bob left a comment declaring that this must be Weird Card Week on this here blog. I consider myself to be the highly suggestible type, so I've taken the ball and run with it. What, I ask you, could be weirder than Rocky Coppinger delivering a pitch in front of a giant, malevolent, iridescent spider?

Rocky Coppinger, 1996 Leaf Preferred #120

Did you ever have one of those days where you're just restless? Today I just feel like a caged animal. I wanted to be anywhere but where I was. The day seemed to crawl by, and I would have much rather been at the beach, or my family's lakeside cottage, or off with my friends somewhere. I had an urge to plunge headlong into something productive, like working on my new house. I had a dangerous notion to spend some money - baseball card binge, anyone? My mind was working a mile a minute, but not in any particular direction.

Naturally, the day just crawled by.

That's a one-off Tuesday in April for you. The weather is getting nice, but vacation season is still five or six weeks away. There aren't any holidays to offer a day's reprieve, and I can't get into my house this week because the floors are drying after being stained. I can't exactly lose myself in the Orioles - not when they're 2-12 and their current series in Seattle brings 10 PM start times - and the NFL Draft won't be filling the void until Thursday night.

Like Rocky Coppinger, I'm just waiting to be called into the game.

Rocky Coppinger, 1997 Skybox Metal Universe #3

I'm not in a verbose mood tonight. My sister's very young cat, Count Rugen, had to be put to sleep today after being diagnosed with lymphoma. He was an energetic, affectionate animal, and he won over yours truly, though I have never ever been a cat person. I met him and said goodbye all within a couple of months. Life is unfair.

I desperately need to laugh, which is the reason Metal Universe exists. At least, that's my best guess. Why else would Skybox produce a set of cards with glossy player photos set against multi-colored etched foil backgrounds with ridiculous comic book effects? When I think of the reasons Rocky Coppinger's major league career was so brief, this is number one with a bullet: he had difficulty concentrating, as he was being stalked by a giant green spider. The grounds crew really should have done something about that.

Rocky Coppinger, 1997 Upper Deck #225

Sometimes it's refreshing and entertaining to get my mother's take on sports. For instance, she's often flabbergasted when an overweight pitcher takes the mound for the Orioles. I remember one occasion when malcontent reliever Steve Kline was laboring through a typically lousy outing. Her reaction was, "Well, maybe if he didn't have that big gut he'd pitch better!".

When you think about it, she might be on to something. There have been a few hefty hurlers who have had some measure of success in baseball, most notably Mickey Lolich and David Wells. But the handful of pitchers who have toed the rubber and tipped the scales in an O's uniform are a less than illustrious bunch: the aforementioned Kline, Terry Mathews, Sid Fernandez, the notorious Sidney Ponson, Wells himself (who had a career-high 14 losses in his lone season in Baltimore), and the gentleman above, one John Thomas Coppinger.

Rocky towered over most batters at 6'5" and a generously-listed 245 to 250 pounds. But the art of pitching is heavily dependent on mechanics and self-control, and once you get to the highest levels of baseball, a huge fastball just isn't enough to cut it. One of several "next big things" to fizzle out for the Birds in recent history, Rocky lasted just five years (82 games) in the bigs, giving up home runs (1.8 per nine innings) and walks (5.2 per nine innings) in healthy doses.

So if you're a budding pitching prospect, do yourself a favor and listen to Mom. Healthy portions, don't skimp on the training regimen, and maybe switch to light beer.