Koji Uehara, 2010 Topps National Chicle #177

Sheesh. I leave town for 24 hours, and the Orioles go and ship out half the team! Okay, so they only traded Koji Uehara and Derrek Lee, but I need to delude myself into believing that exciting things are happening. It's better than paying any attention to the series of eggs being laid on the field by the boys in orange and black.

I am pretty ambivalent about D. Lee, who spent most of his four months in Baltimore either a) injured or b) performing below his career standards. He seemed like he was starting to heat up at bat, but after playing defense at first base that was pretty stellar (at least to the naked eye) for much of the season, he seemed to start booting balls at the most inopportune of times during the team's recent skid. Seemed like a nice enough guy, but ultimately his Oriole career consists of 85 games with a batting line of .246/.302/.404, 15 doubles, 12 home runs, and 41 RBI. No less, no more.

I'm truly sorry that I won't get to watch the O's first-ever Japanese import do his thing out of the bullpen any more. A dominant setup man is a luxury that is sort of lost on a losing team, so Andy MacPhail did well to get two major league-ready players from the Rangers for Koji. The nagging pessimist that the Birds always seem to bring out in me says that corner infielder Chris Davis is most likely a quadruple-A player, Mark Reynolds with less of a big league pedigree. And Tommy Hunter is no one's idea of a front-line pitcher, but he's got a lot more going for him than many of the stiffs who have taken the mound for this club in 2011.

But I digress. I read about Koji tearing up while he said his goodbyes to players, coaches, and reporters last night, and it touched me. At age 34, he left behind everything he'd known to come play in America for the Orioles, and he really seemed to fit in here better than many other Japanese players before him. He was even photographed at a Ravens game last year wearing a purple Ray Lewis jersey. On the field, he was a force of nature once the O's moved him to the bullpen and freed him from worries about fatigue. Over the past two seasons, he appeared in 86 games with a 2.27 ERA and an 0.82 WHIP. He picked up 13 saves last year, and walked only 13 batters in 91 innings in that span (1.3 BB/9 IP). Most amazingly, he struck out 117 hitters, for a K/9 IP of 11.6 and a K-to-BB ratio of exactly 9. He just pounds the strike zone, and uses his excellent control and movement to keep hitters off-balance.

If there's a silver lining, I am thrilled to have the chance to see Koji doing his thing in the postseason - as a bullpen-mate of Arthur Rhodes, no less! Assuming that Texas can hold off the Angels down the stretch, I might have to become a Rangers fan for October.

Ken Singleton, 1982 Donruss #24

Those old-school Dick Perez Diamond Kings were simultaneously some of the most beautiful and the most hideous works of art ever created by man. Is this Ken Singleton, or Diana Ross? And why is the batter in the inset picture caucasian? Dick Perez is a national treasure.

Vintage Fridays: Robin Roberts, 1965 Topps #15

I'm hopping into the Kevmobile tomorrow afternoon and driving up to Philadelphia for an overnight visit with my friends Ryan and Kerri. After all, I've only been out of Maryland twice in the last week - I wouldn't want to get in a rut or anything. In actuality, this will be my first experience at Citizen's Bank Park. I'm looking forward to watching Cliff Lee and the Phillies take on the fiesty Pirates on a hot Saturday night. I don't have a Robin Roberts half-and-half Orioles/Phillies jersey or anything, so I will probably just wear my maroon Washington College t-shirt and my Angry Oriole Bird cap. I've got to represent, you know.

Dave Johnson, 1991 Score #506

You want a really random, obscure statistic? Of course you do; you're a baseball fan. In 1990, when he went 13-9 with a 4.10 ERA for the Orioles, Dave Johnson did not allow a stolen base in 24 straight starts to begin the year. Neither were any runners caught stealing while he was on the mound in those games. In other words, no one so much as attempted to run on Dave Johnson, a 30-year-old journeyman. It's the longest such streak to begin a season since 1973, which is as far back as complete baserunning data goes. That is truly bizarre.

Let's look at the circumstances. Dave was a 30-year-old journeyman who tended to pitch righty. Generally, lefties have the better pickoff moves (see: Flanagan, Mike), since they face first base when standing astride the mound. I can't imagine him being that quick to the plate, since he struck out 68 batters in 180 innings in 1990. As for his batterymates, there were no Ivan Rodriguez types at catcher for the O's that year: Mickey Tettleton gunned down 28% of would-be base thieves that year; backup Bob Melvin was only slightly better at 30%. Chris Hoiles checked in at 50%, but in a very small sample size (4-for-8 in 7 games).

Now I'll admit that I have no personal memories of having seen Dave Johnson pitch. Does anyone remember him being tough on baserunners, or was this just one of those freak things?

Brady Anderson, 1989 Topps Toys 'R' Us Rookies #2

I'm sure some of you are feeling Ginterfatigue, and the only known cure is 1980s cheese! It seems strange to see Brady Anderson wearing #16, instead of the #9 that he wore from 1989 through 2001. But when he arrived in Baltimore via a deadline deal in 1988, Jim Dwyer was wearing #9. So Brady slipped into the #16 jersey that had only been vacated by Scott McGregor upon his release on May 2. Strange but true.

Brooks Robinson, 2006 Topps Allen and Ginter #276

At the risk of giving away vital information about the rest of this blog post, I did not pull a single bloody Oriole card in the last 13 packs of this box. Hence the five-year-old Brooksie A&G. Okay, I'm simultaneously relieved and disappointed that this is my last Gint-A-Cuffs entry. It's been fun breaking my first-ever box of A&G, even if I've been bitching about my underachieving performance. But this stuff is a lot more intensive than my normal routine. I don't know how you multiple-scans-per-post guys do it. Let's go!

Oh, one more note: I pulled a Troy Tulowitzki Hometown Heroes card yesterday and overlooked his status as a Favorite Player. I've gone back and added 2 points, which will clearly make all the difference. Let's go for real!

PACK 19

19 Daniel Bard - One reason I despise Steve Berthiuame and refuse to watch Baseball Tonight? The constant refrains of "Daniel BAAHD throws wicked HAAHD!" Gag.
127 James Loney
4 Jhoulys Chacin - "Jhoulys" is Spanish for "Chad". Or not.
218 Bobby Abreu
96 Daniel Boulud - This guy is a French chef whose restaurant is named "Daniel". Very subtle.
164 Heather Mitts

43 Jake LaMotta A&G Ad Back Mini +2 You should probably see "Raging Bull" if you haven't. Can't believe it lost Best Picture to "Ordinary People".

HH94 C. J. Wilson Hometown Heroes (Newport Beach, CA) +1


Pack 19 Total = 3 points. Box Total = 160 points. That pack might be the dagger. It was just "there".

PACK 20

248 Ervin Santana - Is there any style of facial hair dumber than the chinstrap?
131 Chris Iannetta
65 Ryan Howard
231 C. J. Wilson - Back again so soon?
165 Jo Frost - (Flips card over) Supernanny? Whaa? You're killing me, Topps.
147 George W. Bush - Biting my tongue...

299 Ana Julaton Black Bordered Mini +3 You digging this marble composition book border? It's different, I'll say that.

HH100 Travis Snider Hometown Heroes (Mill Creek, WA) +1 I dig his creepy mustache, which he did not grow in time to be seen on this card. Que lastima.
Topps 2011 A&G Deluxe Binder Ad Card

Pack 20 Total = 4 points. Box Total = 164 points. Looking like I sprinted out of the gate and ran out of gas.

PACK 21

292 Wade Davis - Fake fun fact: When on the road, he checks into hotels using the alias "Dade Wavis".
75 Jose Reyes - 16 triples in 87 games in 2011. Nutso.
281 Adam Lind - Oriole killer. I would never suggest that the O's should deliberately throw at a hitter, but...

135 Kyle Petty +1 Rumor has it that the G-A-C Commissioner is a NASCAR fan. I prefer to think that he deemed this card pointworthy on the basis of Kyle's sweet 'do.
133 Geno Auriemma -1 Commissioner giveth, and Commissioner taketh away.

349 Yuniesky Betancourt SP +2 Short Print - Gotta love getting a deuce for the worst everyday player in MLB.

295 Chris Carpenter Black Border Mini +3 Back-to-back black minis? Anyone else had this?

HH2 Colby Rasmus Hometown Heroes (Phenix City, AL) +1 Incredibly talented but struggling and in Tony LaRussa's doghouse. If they trade him, he'll amount to nothing. I hate LaRussa and his apparent deal with the Devil.

Pack 21 Total = 6 points. Box Total = 170 points. On to the last row...sunrise...sunset...

PACK 22

163 Ian Kennedy - 11-3, 3.22 ERA for the D-Backs this year. National League, man.
219 Johan Santana
204 Jim Thome - JIM JAM! Never fails to make me smile.
225 Jack LaLanne - Because I'm a nerd, all I can think about is his Simpsons cameo, in which he called Bart a "pudgy little pisher".
6 Micky Ward - Another boxer who was the subject of a critically-acclaimed movie. Didn't see "The Fighter", because I hardly ever see movies. I just watched "Star Wars" for the first time a few months back. No kidding.

316 Manny Ramirez SP +2 Short Print - Manny's five-game farewell in Tampa was so bizarre and disastrous, I'm surprised it didn't happen to the Orioles. Of course, they would've paid four times as much and he would've lasted the whole season and slowly drained the life out of the team. That's how the O's roll.

UG9 RMS Queen Mary Uninvited Guests Mini +3 Screaming dead sailors in Long Beach. WoooOOOOOOOooooooo....

FF4 Michael Floating Fortresses +2 If you couldn't tell by the flag, it's a 600-year-old Scottish naval ship. It's been 11 years since my trip to Scotland, and I've love to go back.


Pack 22 Total = 7 points. Box Total = 177 points. I'll need a major push to even break 200...

PACK 23

54 Austin Jackson
170 Tim Lincecum - Another of my favorite non-Orioles. Any dominant athlete that's scrawnier than me is okay in my book.
45 Annika Sorenstam
196 Jered Weaver

AOM4 Porifera Ascent of Man +1 Sponge, huh? Eh, it's still better than the Guy Fieri card.

306 Josh Willingham SP +2 Short Print - I like this guy too. Admittedly, it's only because he used Pearl Jam's "Evenflow" as his walkup music with the Nationals.

PP4 Igor Portraits in Penultimacy Mini +3 Yesss! Not gonna lie, though; I wish they went with Marty Feldman.

FF13 HMS Warrior Floating Fortresses +2
Yep, another Crack the Code Ad Card

Pack 23 Total = 8 points. Box Total = 185 points. Welp, I can still take the lead with a Wood Mini Parallel, which is worth 50 points and is found once in every 3,436 packs. Watch me get one, but it'll be a Yankee and cost me a 50% penalty. Hah!

PACK 24

249 Carlos Ruiz - Chooch.
179 Shane Victorino - So many Phillies, I've lost count. Stuck on three Orioles, if you're keeping count. This is the kind of thing that gives a card-collecting fan of a bad team a complex.
291 Grady Sizemore
48 Francisco Liriano

109 Martin Prado +2 Any Favorite Player - Well, that's a random favorite.

BHS-15 Aroldis Chapman Baseball Highlight Sketches +3 Not really feeling these horizontal sketches.

AP24 Key Deer Animals In Peril Mini +3 I needed a Wood Mini, and I got Bambi. That sounds about right.

HH90 Ryan Howard Hometown Heroes (St. Louis, MO) +1 One more Phillie, just to rub it in.

Pack 24 Total = 9 points. Box Total = 194 points. No Gint-A-Cuffs champeenship for yours truly. I shall return.

Zach Britton, 2011 Topps Allen and Ginter #97

Sheesh. Spoiler alert: no Orioles in today's six packs, so I had to recycle the above image of Zach Britton. Now, are you ready for MORE GINT-A-CUFFS? Don't worry, I'll end it all tomorrow. The box break, I mean. Not my life. It's not THAT bad.

PACK 13


53 Chipper Jones
300 Ryan Braun - Dude's 15 months younger than me. Hello, my own creeping mortality.
114 Brandon Phillips - Love this guy. Can't believe the Indians traded him to Cincy for some pitcher named Jeff Stevens.
77 Rafael Furcal

AGR-BG Brett Gardner Bat Relic +10 Relic, x0.5 Yankee player = +5 total. DOUBLE TURDS.
239 Brett Myers Mini Base - And a dud mini of a wife-beater. Joy.

HH70 Troy Tulowitzki Hometown Heroes (Sunnyvale, CA) +1 Hometown Heroes, +2 Any Favorite Player = +3 total.


Pack 13 Total = 8 points. Box Total =106 points. Unlucky number 13. What did I do to deserve that putrid pack?

PACK 14

66 Starlin Castro +2 Any Favorite Player
113 Miguel Montero
214 Elvis Andrus

BHS-8 Cody Ross Baseball Highlight Sketches +3 The back of this card references game-winning RBIs, specifically the four that Ross had in the Giants' first seven playoff games. Goofy 1980s stats for the win.

AGR-MC Matt Cain Jersey Relic +10 Relic - That's more like it. My favorite color and everything!
94 Josh Rodriguez RC Mini Base - Back-to-back no-point minis. Grumble.

HH Jimmy Rollins Hometown Heroes (Oakland, CA) +1 Oaktown! Joe Morgan and Frank Robinson are mentioned on the back, but not Oakland native and former A's employee Hammer. Shame.

Pack 14 Total = 16 points. Box Total = 122 points. The best pack of the box yet, points-wise. Will I pull hits in three straight packs?

PACK 15


195 Tommy Hanson
154 Todd Helton
111 Pablo Sandoval - Can't get enough of the Kung-Fu Panda.
232 Picabo Street - For you whippersnappers that don't remember this Olympic skiing medalist, her name is pronounced "peek-a-boo". Aren't you glad your parents were boring?
59 Jeremy Jeffress RC

350 Joe Mauer SP +2 Short Print

UG3 Waverly Hills Sanatorium Uninvited Guests Mini +3 Creepy little ghost girl? Thousands of deaths? Louisville? Doesn't sound like my ideal vacation spot.

MMF22 Ada Lovelace Minds That Made the Future +2 Lord Byron's daughter apparently programmed an early computer. But her dad was accompanied to college by a dancing bear. Which was the more enduring contribution to humankind?

Pack 15 Total = 7 points. Box Total = 129 points. Fair-to-middlin', but I can feel the prize slipping away.

PACK 16

285 Alex Rios
57 Derek Jeter -1 Yankee card - It figures. Five zillion Yankee fans roaming the Earth, and not one of you could join this contest and claim your Captain as a Favorite Player.

256 Hunter Pence +2 Any Favorite Player - Thank you muchly, CommishBob!
209 Guy Fieri- Urgh. Just threw up a bit. If you're blessed enough not to know this clown, allow me to ruin your night.

AOM9 Placoderms Ascent of Man +1 - Armored, sharp-toothed fish? Thank goodness they're extinct. Nature, you scary.

303 Jaime Garcia SP +2 Short Print
227 Lucas Duda Black Bordered Mini +3 I will NOT sing Camptown Races...
HH50 Josh Hamilton Hometown Heroes (Raleigh, NC) +1 Hometown Heroes, +2 Any Favorite Player = +3 total. I like.
Crack the Code Ad Card

Pack 16 Total = 10 points. Box Total = 139 points. If you count the Jeter penalty, six of those eight cards  were worth points. That's not something you see often.

PACK 17


199 Jake Peavy
144 Jorge Posada -1 Yankee card - Flames...flames...on the sides of my face...
64 Ricky Romero
263 Mark Trumbo RC - That's a fun name to say. TRUMBOOOOO
201 Andrew Romine RC

347 Josh Thole SP +2 Short Print - I was starting to think I was going to lose points on this pack.

143 Carlos Zambrano A&G Ad Back Mini +2 Welcome back, Old Planter.

HH53 Justin Verlander Hometown Heroes (Manakin Sabot, VA) +1


Pack 17 Total = 4 points. Box Total = 143 points. That sure was an equalizer to all that went on in the last pack.

PACK 18

62 Alfonso Soriano
50 Carl Crawford - I wish my Birthday Buddy hadn't joined the Pink Hats in Boston. Makes it much harder to like him.
175 Jose Bautista - 85 home runs in his last 252 games. Ridiculous.
169 Dan Haren

AGR-PS Pablo Sandoval Bat Relic +10 Relic Card - Any Giants fans want to make a deal?

SRU6 The Human Blockhead Step Right Up! Mini +3 I'm sorry, is something wrong with his face? I was busy admiring the handlebar mustache and pointy beard.

HH5 Chase Utley Hometown Heroes (Long Beach, CA) +1


Pack 18 Total = 14 points. Box Total = 157 points. Bob is in the lead with 232 points. With all three hits already pulled, what are the odds that 78 points are waiting for me in the last 6 packs? 13 points a pack? The fat lady is warmin' up.

Derrek Lee, 2011 Topps Allen and Ginter #269

Here comes packs 7 through 12. A few Gint-A-Cuffs pugilists have posted their total scores, and it looks like I'm going to have to pick up the pace.

PACK 7


1 Carlos Gonzalez - I hate the lazy shortened-name monikers so many players have. "CarGo" is no exception.
265 Buster Posey
39 Stephen Drew - Yipes. All three guys are currently injured, the last two on gruesome plays at the plate.

235 Cole Hamels +2 Other Favorite Players. Saved by Dan's Philly fandom.
112 Timothy Shieff
190 Sue Bird - Not much of a WNBA fan, but I've always found her attractive.
123 Rajai Davis Mini Base - Yep, already have two variations of Rajai's mini card. Any Rajai Davis supercollectors out there?

HH20 David Price Hometown Heroes (Murfreesboro, TN) +1
Allen and Ginter Official! Deluxe Binder Offer Card - Interesting. Shades of the old Topps puffy sweatshirt offer cards.

Pack 7 Total = 3 points. Box Total = 60 points. Sensing a trend in the last four packs: 11, 8, 4, 3. No sir, I don't like it.

PACK 8

58 Alcides Escobar
269 Derrek Lee +1 Favorite Team - Hm, I wonder how Derrek played today? 1-for-3 with a strikeout. Still OPSing under .700. But at least I'm getting some use out of him.
212 Aramis Ramirez
276 Desmond Jennings RC - Just got called up this weekend. It's about time.
293 Royal Wedding: Prince William and Kate Middleton - OMG OMG OMG Be still my heart.

328 Chris Johnson SP +2 Short Print

SRU8 The Strongman Step Right Up! Mini +3

MMF28 Guglielmo Marconi Minds That Made the Future +2 According to Milhouse Van Houten, the first message Marconi sent on his radio-signaling system was, "I want-a change-a my name-a!".

Pack 8 Total = 8 Points. Box Total = 68 Points. Getting better. If only the Commissioner were a fan of insanely overhyped fairy-tale nuptials.

PACK 9

268 Dallas Braden
89 John Axford - Creative facial hair without all the hype of Brian Wilson. Thumbs up.
243 Mike Nickeas RC - Who?
180 Kyle Drabek

AOM21 Australopithecus Ascent of Man +1 Say that five times fast!

333 Carlos Lee SP +2 Short Print

344 Danny Valencia SP Mini +3 Short Print Mini - Oh, Danny Boy...

HH38 Andre Ethier Hometown Heroes (Phoenix, AZ) +1
Crack the Code Ad Card

Pack 9 Total = 7 points. Box Total = 75 points. At least I'm getting better at avoiding the Yankees.

PACK 10

156 Marlon Byrd - He plays for neither the Marlins nor the Birds. Discuss.
117 Jonathan Sanchez

136 Dick Vitale +1 Personally, I'm tired of "Dukie V" and his shtick, but if the Commissioner deems him point-worthy, I shall not argue.
148 Sanya Richards

AOM18 Homininae Ascent of Man +1 With "Rise of the Planet of the Apes" hitting theatres in a few weeks, I'm keeping an eye on this guy.

340 Ryan Zimmerman SP +2 Short Print

PP1 Antonio Meucci Portraits of Penultimacy Mini +3 As pointed out by dayf, those clowns at Topps don't even know what "penultimate" means!

MMF23 Florence Nightingale Minds That Made the Future +2
Another stinkin' Crack the Code Ad Card


Pack 10 Total = 9 points. Box Total = 84 points. Movin' right along.

PACK 11

192 Carl Pavano
49 Javier Vazquez - It's a tag team of pitchers that make Yankee fans break out in hives!
162 Mat Latos
51 Tim Collins - He's only 4'10". Okay, 5'7". Still tiny.

97 Zach Britton RC +1 Favorite Team - Awesome! Imagine how excited I'd be to pull this card if Zach hadn't succumbed to the wasting virus that has infected all of the Orioles' young pitchers this year.

332 Luke Hochevar SP +2 Short Print - No additional points for his last name sounding like "ho shaver".

305 Justin Morneau SP Mini A&G Ad Back +3 Short Print Mini, +2 A&G Ad Back Mini = +5 total

HH80 Cliff Lee Hometown Heroes (Benton, AR) +1 Apparently "He's in close competition with actor/director Billy Bob Thornton as the most famous 'alum' of the city". However, Thornton is the only one of the pair who makes me nauseous, so that's something.

Pack 11 Total = 9 points. Box Total = 93 points. Back-to-back nines? Makes me nervous about the next pack.

PACK 12

245 Brian McCann

120 Adrian Gonzalez +2 Any Favorite Player
115 Shin-Soo Choo - With an injury-riddled, subpar season, he's been brutal for my fantasy team. Plus he had a DUI, so all in all, a great effort.
106 Jonathan Broxton
7 Mickey Mantle -1 Yankee Player - Thank you, Topps, for your downright embarrassing hagiography of this guy.
107 L. L. Zamenhof - Apparently he invented the Esperanto language. His mini card is worth 2 points, but no dice for the base card. What gives, Commissioner?

WMF5 D. B. Cooper World's Most Mysterious Figures Mini +3

HH3 Brian Wilson Hometown Heroes (Londonderry, NH) +1 This goober's from New Hampshire? Somehow that sounds right.

Pack 12 Total = 5 points. Box Total = 98 points. At the halfway point, I'm still waiting on the big hits, which gives me some optimism for the coming days.