Eddie Murray, 1997 Skybox Metal Universe #5

My scanner doesn't really know what to do with all of this prismatic foil, but you can probably see the most pertinent detail. There is a chunk of space rock that looks poised to strike Eddie Murray square in the ass. 1997 Metal Universe never ceases to confound and amaze me.

B.J. Surhoff, 1997 Skybox Metal Universe #9

You know what they say: some days you're on top of the world, and some days you're trapped in the middle of an etched-foil nuclear reaction. Who says that? I don't know...probably whichever paint-huffing loonies designed Metal Universe.

Rocky Coppinger, 1997 Skybox Metal Universe #3

After yesterday's horrifying Cal Ripken, Jr. caricature, Commish/Bob left a comment declaring that this must be Weird Card Week on this here blog. I consider myself to be the highly suggestible type, so I've taken the ball and run with it. What, I ask you, could be weirder than Rocky Coppinger delivering a pitch in front of a giant, malevolent, iridescent spider?

Rocky Coppinger, 1997 Skybox Metal Universe #3

I'm not in a verbose mood tonight. My sister's very young cat, Count Rugen, had to be put to sleep today after being diagnosed with lymphoma. He was an energetic, affectionate animal, and he won over yours truly, though I have never ever been a cat person. I met him and said goodbye all within a couple of months. Life is unfair.

I desperately need to laugh, which is the reason Metal Universe exists. At least, that's my best guess. Why else would Skybox produce a set of cards with glossy player photos set against multi-colored etched foil backgrounds with ridiculous comic book effects? When I think of the reasons Rocky Coppinger's major league career was so brief, this is number one with a bullet: he had difficulty concentrating, as he was being stalked by a giant green spider. The grounds crew really should have done something about that.