Jeff Conine, 2002 Donruss Fan Club #70

I haven't given a baby update since I spilled the beans here one month ago, so here's the latest. Baby B's gestational age is 18 weeks and five days, putting the little peanut firmly in Jeff Conine territory. "Niner" wore #18 during his first stint with the Orioles (1999-2003), and switched to #19 for his second go-round in Baltimore in 2006. So whether you round up or down, well...you get it. Today we had a lengthy ultrasound appointment, and though the primary objective was to make sure everything was in its right place (bones, organs, all that fun stuff - and yes, baby passed with flying colors), obviously Janet and I were just excited to spend 45 minutes of our afternoon watching our unborn kid squirm, stretch, and even yawn. I don't want to get too syrupy here, but it was just an awe-inspiring experience. I will try to refer back to this blog post in July, when I am feeling desperately overwhelmed and sleep-deprived...and then again in a decade or so, when I need to embarrass the hell out of my child.

Jeff Conine, 2002 Upper Deck Vintage #55

Hey, just a little bit of Jeff Conine catching a pickoff throw as Alfonso Soriano dives back to the bag for your Monday night. I found eight Orioles-at-Yankees games from 2001 featuring Niner at first base, and Soriano reached base in seven of them. So, that doesn't narrow things down for me. I never claimed to have all of the answers, though.

Jeff Conine, 2001 Topps #683

Jeff Conine had many talents as a ballplayer, but chief among them was his ability to look disgusted and vaguely annoyed approximately 100% of the time.

Jeff Conine and Jason Johnson, 2002 Upper Deck Victory #11

I know that pitcher wins aren't the most precise statistic, but you don't have to look much further than Jason Johnson's team-leading 10 wins to puzzle out the fate of the 2001 Orioles. When a team wins 63 games total (against 98 losses), there aren't many W's to go around. That was a pretty brutal team, all things considered. Buddy Groom was the leading fireman with a whopping 11 saves, Jay Gibbons and Chris Richard tied for the club lead with 15 home runs, Cal Ripken, Jr. sputtered to a .276 on-base percentage in his final season...yuck. At least Jeff Conine had a pretty solid year, with his .311 average and .386 on-base percentage.

Man, I hope the Orioles don't go back to being crappy next year.

Jeff Conine, 2002 Topps Opening Day #140

Just a friendly reminder: this is the last Sunday until November with no baseball games that matter. The Orioles open their season on Friday night in Tampa. We're almost there.

Jeff Conine, 2003 Upper Deck #317

In retrospect, "Jazzercise With Jeff" was one of the truly underappreciated physical fitness DVDs of the mid-2000s. However, it was probably a bit of a reach for Jeff Conine to dub himself "DJ Jazzercisey Jeff".

Jeff Conine, 2002 Fleer Platinum #148

Maybe it's just me, but I always thought that Jeff Conine looked like Jim Varney, a.k.a. Ernest P. Whorl. Do you see it?

Yeah, it's probably just me.

Jeff Conine, 2002 Upper Deck Diamond Connection #16

I told you that I wasn't especially lucid when I posted last night's entry, and boy did it show. As was alluded to in the blog comments, Joe Carter was the man whose walk-off three-run homer off of Mitch Williams won the 1993 World Series for the Blue Jays, sending the Phillies home from Toronto cloaked in defeat. On the eve of Game One of a World Series that I desperately want the Phils to win, that was a dumb choice on my part. Bad juju.

Tonight I make amends by posting a card of Jeff Conine, whom the Orioles traded to the Marlins in late 2003, just in time for the venerable old-timer to assist the young Florida team in their playoff push. He made a crucial defensive play in the NLDS, hit .458 in the NLCS, and then hit .333 with a .417 on-base percentage in the Fall Classic to help his new (old) team stun the favored Yankees in six games. Sure, he had only one double and no RBI in the Series, but he did score four runs. Besides, this is a reminder that the Yankees have lost their last two World Series, and that they've ended their last eight seasons with disappointing postseason losses (or, in the case of 2008, a regular-season loss). Let's keep the good times rolling.

But if you want to read about a more prominent Yankee killer, I might refer you to a previous blog post about 1960 World Series hero Hal Smith. Go Phillies!

Jeff Conine, 2002 Upper Deck Piece of History #17

This is the first year since 1986 that Jeff Conine hasn't been playing professional baseball on some level. "Niner" was the kind of guy that was always in demand; he played for each of his primary three teams in the major leagues (Kansas City, Florida, and Baltimore) on two separate occasions. Three times in his final five seasons he was traded after the July 31 waiver deadline as teams were looking for a dependable, experienced player to fill in the blanks during the stretch run. He's probably best known as one of the original Florida Marlins; he played all 162 games in their inaugural season, won the 1995 All-Star Game MVP as the sole Florida representative, and is the only player to have been on both World Series-winning teams in Fish history. When Jeff announced his retirement at the end of last season, the Marlins signed him to a one-day contract so that he wouldn't have to call it quits as a Met. After all, he'd only played 21 games in orange and blue and they didn't turn out all that well.

But Conine is keeping busy. He recently announced that he is training for the Ironman World Championship Triathlon, which will take place in October in Hawaii. The soon-to-be forty-two-year-old has already competed in several biathlons and recently completed his first half-triathlon, finishing 1,375th out of 1,929 competitors. A full triathlon consists of a 2.4 mile swim, a 112-mile bike ride (roughly the distance from Baltimore to Philadelphia - two of Conine's six MLB teams), and a 26.2 mile marathon run. As someone who ran cross country in high school and never exceeded ten miles at once, I can't fathom the strength and endurance required to complete a triathlon. Just remember Jeff Conine the next time a football fan tells you that baseball players are subpar athletes.