Ah, Metal Universe, I just can't walk away from you. Sure, it's mostly because the swirly patterns etched in your foil have seared my retinas, but at least you're trying to be something that other cards are not. All the same, you're at your brain-collapsing best when you're unashamedly ratcheting the insanity up to 11. Charles Johnson gunning down a base runner while hurtling into a black hole is all well and good, but it can't hold a candle to
B.J. Surhoff's nuclear power or
Rocky Coppinger falling prey to a giant emerald spider. You can do better, Metal Universe. Give in to those screaming, howling noises of malevolent lunacy in your head. Do it.
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