Thursday, August 13, 2009

Cal Ripken, Jr., 1993 Upper Deck Fun Pack #32

Wow. Just...yeah. I don't have words for this card, so I give you the hilarious and sometimes baffling text from its backside:

"The Ripper, known for his titanic blasts from his powerful wooden spear and his heroic work with his glove, continues to rewrite the record books in his neverending quest to catch and conquer the elusive Iron Horse. The Ripper is usually on patrol in Baltimore's infield but spends about half of the year on the road in search of the slippery beast. Not one day has gone by in the past 10 seasons without The Ripper looking high and low for his final goal, the battle for eternity."

-Giving one of baseball's model citizens a nickname widely associated with a historical serial killer? Check.

-Casting the equally virtuous (and tragic) Lou Gehrig as a villain, and confusing your adjectives (since when is iron slippery)? Check.

-Suggest that Cal's "final goal" is a "battle? Wha? Um, check.

Those must have been some powerful drugs, Upper Deck folks.
at

9 comments:

  1. CommishbobAugust 13, 2009 at 10:58 PM

    Wow, amazingly crappy card. LOL @ Upper Deck.


    Has anyone called him The Ripper?

    ReplyDelete
  2. night owlAugust 13, 2009 at 11:08 PM

    Upper Deck has always had issues with the writing on its card backs. Just look at numerous examples in this year's sets. Not its strong suit.

    ReplyDelete
  3. KevinAugust 13, 2009 at 11:23 PM

    Bob - I've heard him called "Rip", but that's it.

    Greg - Yeah, I remember Thorzul doing an expose on last year's Masterpieces.

    ReplyDelete
  4. PeteLevinAugust 14, 2009 at 1:42 AM

    How about a Rick Dempsey in honor of this news: http://www.variety.com/article/VR1118007223.html?categoryId=13&cs=1

    This could be pretty good!

    ReplyDelete
  5. StaceyAugust 14, 2009 at 2:38 AM

    The battle for eternity? WTF?

    ReplyDelete
  6. drewAugust 14, 2009 at 7:42 AM

    I have this quiet itching in the back of my skull any time another steroid story appears, it has to do with Cal and ... well, I don't want to type the words, but suffice to say this card unintentionally gets right to the point. Ouch.

    ReplyDelete
  7. BrianAugust 14, 2009 at 7:43 AM

    Cal with Mark McGwire arms...

    ReplyDelete
  8. KevinAugust 15, 2009 at 12:06 PM

    Pete - I'll be touching on that at some point this week, I'm sure.

    Stacey - Yeah. Suddenly he's He-Man.

    Drew - That's about the only true bombshell left, but I'd still doubt it.

    Brian - The forearms for sure.

    ReplyDelete
  9. jacobmrleyAugust 17, 2009 at 10:20 PM

    I feel guilty for sending you this card; it felt like a practical joke.

    ReplyDelete